Peter and Tom

Peter : “I want my money now!” Tom : “I
will kill myself so that I won’t pay you” *he
pulled a gun n shot himself dead* Peter :
“hahaha…..If u think u’ll get away with my
money u r wrong, i’l follow u until u pay
me!” *he takes the gun n shot himself
dead as well* James : was watching from a
distance he laughed n said : “these guys
are funny, I must watch this till the
end”…..*he also took the gun and killed
himself! Who is the most stupid out of


Tragedy at Butabika

i felt compassoinate to the sick pple at
butabika and duly made up my mind to
visit the patients. i was sturned by the
critical conditions sme patients succumbed
threw, it was hurting truly.
i never stopped to that, i continued my
survey into the inner yard and this is
where my “hell” begun from..
along the way inside the psycho ward, i
met, matu with his eyes widely open and
teeth out lyk he was laughin at somethin, i
didnt quite understand wat was goin on
until i saw matu pull out a knife he was
hiding at his back, “good gracious!”..be4 i
cud think of anything else, matu was
already on the persue towards me. i ran
for dear life screaming, yelling and shoutin
for help buh no one was their for my
rescue. matu paced me out shoutin naked
insults that i lost all the hope i had for
more life on earth. by this tym, i was crying
and meeing lyk a goat. wat sturned me
was i realised the corridor i ran towards
had dead escape section..this is the
moment i r’mbered God..
i had no hope remaining, i just stopped
runnin, knelt down, and asked God for a
place in heaven..
matu quickly ran towards me, pointin the
knife towards my throat and said “are u
tired of running, okay, get the knife, it’s ur
turn to chase me”

Grandma goes to court

When Grandma Goes To Court… Look Out!
Lawyers should never ask a Grandma a
question if they aren’t prepared for the
In a trial, prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand… a
grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do
you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you,
Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you
were a boy, and frankly you’ve been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat
on your wife, and you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you’re a big shot, when you
haven’t got the brains to realize you’ll
never amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing
what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know
the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve
known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can’t build a
normal relationship with anyone, and his
law practice is one of the worst in the
entire state… not to mention, he cheated
on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
The defense attorney nearly died on the
The judge asked both counselors to
approached the bench and, in a very quiet
voice, said… “If either of you idiots asks her
if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the
electric chair.”

Caught speeding

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up
the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags
in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly
backs away to his car, and calls for back
up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the
car. A senior officer slowly approaches the
car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of
your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that
you have stolen this car and murdered the
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the
trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing
nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that
you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and
pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the
officer. The officer snaps open the clutch
purse and examines the license. He looks
quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my
officers told me you didn’t have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman:I bet the lying bastard told you I
was speeding too.
Officer 2: yeah ma’am, the lying bastard
did so. Sorry for the delay,you can move

The 3 drunk men

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver
knew that they were drunk so he started
the engine & turned it off again. Then said,
“We have reached your destination”. The
1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said
“Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the
driver. The driver was shocked thinking the
3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he
asked “What was that for?”. The 3rd guy
replied, “Control your speed next time, you
nearly killed us!”